Connie Davis Bushey
By Connie Davis Bushey
News Editor, Baptist and Reflector
BRENTWOOD — Though Christians hold strict views of behavior in light of sin, they should be sensitive to the many people who are depressed and realize that “depression is real,” according to Art Webb, counselor at Watauga Baptist Association.
The mental illness of depression is not only real, but it and other mental illnesses are exacerbated by the demands of the holidays, agreed Webb and two other counselors at Tennessee Baptist association offices.
Those demands of the holidays include buying presents, participating in events which require extra expense, being with families, and even being happy, said the counselors. This is true despite the fact that people are laid off from their jobs on the holidays, have lost custody of their kids, have lost family members to death, don’t have enough food for their families, are struggling with addictions, have marital issues, are dealing with health problems, and suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is depression related to wintertime, they noted.
Webb, counselor at Watauga Association, based in Elizabethton, for 27 years, said some people wish they could go to sleep before the holidays “and not wake up until after the new year.” Webb is a licensed professional counselor and a former Army chaplain.
Across the state from Elizabethton in West Tennessee, Carmen Pfeifer, therapist for Big Hatchie Baptist Association, based in Covington, said many families are very needy in this area, even for the basics like food, which make the holidays even harder. She is a licensed professional counselor.
People she counsels are also struggling with marital separation, divorce, and other issues which can cause depression and anger. In this community, a 5-year-old girl recently died of cancer and several people committed suicide, added Pfeifer.
People are “going through things we (most people) don’t think about.
“The stress gets even worse in a lot of families (at the holidays) and that’s bad because that’s not what it’s (the holiday) for,” observed Pfeifer, who has served at the association for 13 years.
Andy Loomis, pastoral counselor, Cumberland Plateau Baptist Association, based in Crossville, agreed with Pfeifer and Webb that the negative circumstances of people are magnified at the holidays. Loomis is a former pastor.
Parents, he noted, “listen to the lie of the world” that if they don’t spend $100 on gifts for each of their children they are bad parents.
Not only is this message perpetrated by the media but by members of churches who talk about their Christmas plans, he added.
People can begin to think “they’re not as spiritual-minded because they can’t afford to give their kids all this junk,” said Loomis.
Two kinds of depression
All three counselors agreed that two kinds of depression exist — environmental and a chemical imbalance of endorphins in the brain. The latter is treated with medication by a psychiatrist.
Environmental depression “is caused by life experiences. We all go through this,” said Webb. But for various reasons, some people need help coping with depression, especially at Christmas and New Year’s Day.
All of the counselors warned against overuse and reliance on medication for mental illness as the use of medication for help in all areas of life is becoming more popular today.
Other triggers for depression at Christmastime
At this time of year people, even Christians, noted Webb, can experience emotional pain resulting from their memories of a loved one who has died.
This despair hits a person as they experience “the first holiday without the person,” added Pfeifer, or recall the death of a person at Christmastime.
Webb said people also suffer depression from a bad memory, especially a childhood memory, which is triggered at Christmastime because of all of the focus on children and families.
“Everybody else is really happy and excited and … they remember what happened,” said Webb.
If that hurt resulted in anger and unforgiveness, the person should deal with that, possibly through counseling. Repressed anger is a cause of depression, he and Pfeifer noted.
Pfeifer said she has observed that people already have anger from these issues “and then put other stresses on it (that anger) at Christmas and that is a problem … even leading to domestic violence.”
Also a disaster such as a robbery or house fire is especially difficult at Christmastime if the loss of gifts or a house is involved, noted Pfeifer.
Additionally, bad decisions can lead to problems which lead to depression, said Loomis.
People find it is just easier to give in to their impulses for comfort rather than turn to God, he noted.
“It’s easier to turn to chocolate cake and porn than to the Word and be in prayer,” said Loomis.
Helping others with depression
All three counselors strongly recommended that people offering to help a depressed person do so without a critical spirit.
Christians also should not try to “fix” the situation of a depressed person, they all said.
Pfeifer said, “Listening and offering to be there is the best help. I would not suggest telling them what to do … critical spirit type things.”
She added that Christians should follow the example of Jesus in this regard. He waited for people to ask Him for something. … So we should ask them if they would like help with something.”
Being a friend is the best gift of a Christian at any time of the year, noted Loomis. “The best thing to do is listening and not trying to fix it and give all this advice.”
If a friend or relative recognizes that the person is depressed and it could be the depression stemming from environmental factors, try to learn why they are depressed, said Webb. Then sitting with them and listening “will help them,” he added. Though memories seem problematic, remembering some good times can help the person, he observed.
How churches can help depressed people
Churches should increase visitation programs during the holidays and in addition to offering food baskets, toy stores, and programs, church members should focus on hospitality and listening for needs of people “we bring in (to churches),” said Pfeifer.
Webb said a church could host a support group for people with depression if led by a person with some training in counseling.
Other tips
Webb advised folks to keep their regular schedule, eat nutritious meals, be physically active, and be sociable, which should include church attendance.
He also recommended reading the books, Forgive and Forget, by Louis Snedes and When You Lose a Loved One by Charles Allen.
Loomis noted that people “who are mad, angry, frustrated, and depressed” often turn to food, drugs, alcohol, or pornography, but instead they should turn to the Lord, prayer, or calling their pastor.
As God promised in Romans 12:2 He will renew their mind or help them think differently, he explained.
“If you change your mind, you will change your thoughts and then can change your actions,” said Loomis.
Webb and Pfeifer agreed that turning to God is the ultimate answer for depression and they also try to direct their clients to Him.
“I know I’m not the one to fix any of their problems, that He’s the One who’s in control and He’s the One who will help them work through their problems,” said Pfeifer.
