Join guest TBC President Bruce Chesser as he discusses the challenges pastors face ministering to families during this time of COVID-19. He answers many questions like how to conduct a funeral with social distancing, what pastors and church staffs need to consider for future memorial services after the crisis ends and many more challenges that have altered “normalcy.”
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Bruce Chesser:
And I would say to pastors, if any pastors are listening to this, no one knows how to do this. We’ve never done it before. No one’s ever done it before, so we’re all in the same boat, we’re learning as we go. We’re going to learn a better way from what we did last time, and even when we get past this crisis, whenever that is, no one knows, but when that is and the doors are open to people who can come back to church, we now have an open door of ministry, maybe a new mission field that we never really considered before.
Chris Turner:
Hello, and welcome into this edition of Radio B&R. I’m your host, Chris Turner, director of communications at the Tennessee Baptist Mission Board. Today, our guest is Bruce Chesser, pastor at First Baptist church, Hendersonville, Tennessee, and currently our Tennessee Baptist Convention president. Bruce, welcome in.
Bruce Chesser:
Thanks, Chris. How are you today?
Chris Turner:
I’m doing really well, given the fact that I’ve been in my garage for the past three weeks, working from home with the COVID thing, but I’m sure I’m paddling the same boat a lot of other people are.
Bruce Chesser:
No doubt.
Chris Turner:
So, well and that really is one of the things we want to talk about. We’ve talked about a topic of conversation these days is the COVID-19/coronavirus, and just the way that life rapidly was altered, just in the past month, as this really started picking up traction, not only in the United States, but here in Tennessee, and especially in middle Tennessee. But what from your pastoral perspective, do you see are some of the biggest changes that people have dealt with over these past few weeks?
Bruce Chesser:
Well, from a church perspective, it’s hard to name anything that has not been touched by it. The employees that we have, the ministries that we have, the ministries missions that we support, every level is affected and when you’re dealing with a church, you’ve got so many people, that a church is, it’s not just something they do, it’s really part of who they are, and to lose that is a part of their identity. It’s not just, “Oh, I didn’t get to go to church this week,” it’s a real loss of something that is very significant in their life. It’s a loss of something that’s significant in my life, and though we are learning a new paradigm for doing ministry, which I think, Chris, going forward is going to open some doors for us that we’ve never really adequately addressed, and even when we get past this crisis, whenever that is, no one knows, but when that is and the doors are open and people can come back to church, we now have an open door of ministry, maybe a new mission field that we never considered before.
Bruce Chesser:
I think most churches in the past, we put a little countdown up on the screen, it says, “The service will began in two minutes and 20 seconds,” it counts down and when it starts, someone hits a switch and they basically watch what is happening at the church. There’s very little thought been given to it, there’s been no effort really at connecting. It’s just if you can’t come to church, if you’re sick, if you’re out of town, you can watch. I think this is going to open up a whole new door for a ministry opportunity that we’ve never really considered before.
Chris Turner:
Yeah. It’s almost as if the online service has been an accommodation or an add-on, but I really hear what you’re saying and we’re hearing a lot of pastors say this from across the state, that now it really is seen as a strategic outreach tool to pull people in who might not be able to be there, but to really minister to an audience that might not be going to a church, literally anywhere in the world, but to look at it from that perspective of this is an opportunity to extend the ministry of the church, rather than just provide an online service.
Bruce Chesser:
Absolutely.
Chris Turner:
So, well one of the things that is a major adjustment for people, is the whole side of the funeral aspect of it. Churches obviously play a large role in just the passing of a loved one, and the ministry to the church, and ministry to family members. And you’ve really had to make some adjustments in that area, just in the past couple of weeks on a personal level, as far as your personal ministry, this is not something that has been put on pause. In fact, at the heart of this whole coronavirus thing is the projected deaths that may come out of it. What are some of the things you’ve had to do pretty quickly here on the front end to adjust the way that you might’ve done some of the funerals over the past couple, two, three weeks that you would’ve normally done in one way, you’ve had to make the adjustments. What are some of those adjustments you’ve made?
Bruce Chesser:
Well, since this all started, I’ve personally had four or five funeral services to help take care of, and it’s adjusted those and changed those drastically, and it’s going to affect us going forward. As you know, for Tennessee, middle Tennessee and the Metro area here, has been hardest hit and it seems, well other than Shelby County, but it seems as though Davidson County, and Sumner County where we’re located, are among the hardest hit. We had an outbreak the weekend before last in a nursing home here. My mother happened to be a resident in that nursing home, was tested positive, and one of our local hospitals was just inundated with patients overnight. They have had a rate of a death a day, which is very unusual for that particular hospital. So there are a lot of deaths related to this.
Bruce Chesser:
The result of that is manifold when it comes to a ministry standpoint. I had a call yesterday, one of our active members died, not from coronavirus, but in the midst of this pandemic, we can’t go see his wife, we can’t minister in the ways that we normally do. It’s all through telephone calls and those kinds of things. So just the ministry level changes, the actual technical taking care of the services changes, and I would say to pastors, if any pastors are listening to this, no one knows how to do this. We’ve never done it before. No one’s ever done it before. So we’re all in the same boat, we’re learning as we go. We’re going to learn a better way from what we did last time, and a pastor should not feel bad about that. We’re all in the same boat, in that regard.
Bruce Chesser:
And so, we talked to the particular funeral home that we’re dealing with at that time, and what I’ve discovered in the five I’ve done over the past a month, each one, a different funeral home, has been handled just a little bit differently. So we kind of follow their protocol, and we do the best we can to minister to the family. There are a lot of elements of this, Chris. So on one hand, you’ve got families who can’t be with a loved one that’s in the hospital. And I just went through that with my mother, I couldn’t go see her at the nursing home, they were quarantined, and then the nursing home had an outbreak, and every resident of the nursing home, every single resident, not just those that tested positive, every single resident was transported to a hospital, because they had to completely clean out the nursing home to rid it of this virus.
Bruce Chesser:
And all of those people now are in hospitals where no one can go and visit them, and to try to call… Put yourself in the situation of the hospital people, they don’t have time to be answering phone calls to go check on Aunt Susie or grandmother, because they’re caring for Aunt Suzie and grandmother. They’re unbelievably swamped. On one hand, you’ve got, I know this from personal experience, you’ve got family wanting to know what’s going on and feeling guilty that they can’t be there. You probably have the patient, that if they are aware and alert, that they’re lonely, they’re probably scared and anxious, and all of those kinds of things, so you’ve got that element of it.
Bruce Chesser:
Then when someone dies, you not only have the issue of how to minister to that family, but the family has to deal with those issues. As you know, Chris, one of the things about the way we do funerals, particularly in our culture in the South, and even more specifically, in our culture in the South as Christians, those of us who are active in church and the things of the Lord, we know how important in the healing process, the funeral service, and the celebrating, and the coming together as friends, we know how important all of that is. And when you can’t do that, some of these people are not getting any closure, and they’ve got several decisions to make. They could go ahead and have a very small service with the 10 people or fewer, they could live stream. Many, many of our funeral homes now are live streaming funerals so that people that can’t come, can watch.
Bruce Chesser:
But some families just don’t find that personal enough, and that’s just not the way they want to do it, so they are opting to go ahead and have the graveside, and that’s what I’ve done, and in these that I’ve had, it’s just me and a very small group of family members, and we have the time at the graveside, and the body, the casket is placed into the grave, and we determine that later when all of this is over, we’re going to come back and have a celebration. The thing is, we don’t know when that’s going to be. Are we talking about this summer? Are we talking about this fall? Are we talking about next year? We don’t know, and that just leaves a question mark, and a lack of closure, and a little guilt, and a lot of things going on that we’ve got to figure out how to minister to these people to help them deal with all of those things.
Chris Turner:
Yeah. I think a big thing that you pointed out, this unfortunately, didn’t come with a manual, for not that many of us men would’ve read the manual to begin with, but we didn’t get the manual, but there’s several things you touched on that I’d like to just kind of go back through. I think the first is the pastor. We talk about the emotional toll on the families, and that is there and that’s true, they’re dealing with one death, but if this thing picks up the way that some of the projections show, some of you guys, depending on where you live and the volume, could be dealing with multiple situations where what you have done in the past in ministering to a family, has increased in volume, but then become more difficult because of the social distancing and separation, whereas, you might’ve personally visited with somebody, now you’re having to deal with using other means and tools to try and provide that same level of personal ministry.
Chris Turner:
How do you see yourself dealing with what could very much be an emotional challenge for a pastor who’s having to deal with multiple possible COVID deaths in his church, and then, what would you just share with a pastor that might encourage them or help them to not be so emotionally burdened by the situation?
Bruce Chesser:
Well, I think we all go back to the roots of our faith, that life is good, life is wonderful, we want to live every day that God has planned for us on earth, but we go back to the very basics of what we believe, and that is that from the day that we were formed in our mother’s womb, that God has had a plan for us, and that God has numbered our days and he knows what those are. Now, we didn’t know what that was for us, or for anyone else, and so we did not plan on it being coronavirus. We had planned on living to 98 years and eight months, and die on the beach in Hawaii. That was just the way it was going to be, but God knew what the end of our life was going to be.
Bruce Chesser:
So we just have to go back to the basics of our faith, that none of this has caught the Lord God by surprise, and as much as we miss someone that has left this world, they are going into what has been promised, that is eternity, and if any of us could glimpse into eternity and see what our loved ones have experienced, we would not for a second want them to have to come back and experience things in this world anymore. So I think we just go back to our faith, to the basics of what we believe about eternity, and you always have to be careful when you say something like that, because people can can read into that. “Well, if heaven’s so good, then let’s just go ahead and take our lives right now, and be gone.” No, we want to live every day God gives us on earth.
Bruce Chesser:
And for me, here’s the thing, I don’t want to miss one day that God has planned for me. I want to live every single day fully, but I don’t want to live one extra day. I don’t want to be here one day past what God has planned for me. So, live every day, live it fully, rejoice in the Lord, this is the day the Lord’s made, but when that time has come for someone that we care about and we love, we’re going to celebrate that they have gone to the place that he prepared for them a long time ago. Now, every pastor knows that the hard part is helping the family, the believer. Now, it’s a different matter when you’re talking about an unbeliever who dies.
Bruce Chesser:
When you’re talking about a believer that has died, the hard part is for the family helping them to get through that, and so here’s what we’re going to have to deal with as pastors: we’re going to have these graveside services, we’re going to comfort about eight or 10 people, and in some cases, it’s less than that because you’ve got a funeral director, you’ve got a couple of cemetery workers who are actually doing the burial itself, you’ve got the pastor. And so, when the limitation, at this moment is 10 or less, all of those people are part of that 10 or less. So you’re not talking about having very many people there, and then you celebrate that, and they put the body into the grave, or the crypt, or whatever the case may be, and in ever how many months it is, we’re going to have a lineup of celebration services to have.
Bruce Chesser:
I think that’s going to be a very difficult time for pastors, when you’ve got pick a number based on where you live and how bad your community was hit, but it’s not just people who die from COVID, just the normal natural deaths that are occurring during this time because of other things, heart attacks, or age, or whatever it happens to be, all of those are stacking up, and pastors are going to have to be prepared somewhere down the road when all of this starts catching up, and all these memorial services start being calendared, and that’s going to be an emotional period of time for a pastor.
Chris Turner:
Yeah. Yeah. I would assume, whether you’ve had time to really think through that or not and how to prepare for that, that’s definitely the reality that pastors are looking at. I was talking with a funeral director just a little while ago, and he said that since March, they service about 300 families a year, and since March, about 75% of the people, families that they’ve served, are planning to have a memorial service. Now, obviously not all of those folks went to the same church, but it does give an indication that if he said that 75% of those that their church has served and planned that memorial service, you are talking about pastors doing a lot of memorial services in a very short period of time. Any-
Bruce Chesser:
And my guess is that most people at that point, like I said, we haven’t walked through this before, so I went back and looked, and my seminary never offered a class on how to handle pandemics. So none of us know this, but my guess is that when that time comes months down the road, and families start getting ready to organize these memorial services, they’re probably just going to call their church. I doubt they’re going to go back through a funeral home and consider expense and things that would go along with that. I mean, they’re not going to be dealing with anybody, they’re not going to be dealing with any hearse, they’re not going to have all of those details. They just need to have a memorial service, and my guess is they’re going to be calling us as pastors in the churches to handle that in our churches. So there’s just another little element that we’re all going to have to deal with somewhere down the road.
Chris Turner:
Well, and it does sound like what you’re saying is you’re talking about that I’m thinking, now is the time for churches to begin to get a plan in place for how they’re going to manage that.
Bruce Chesser:
Absolutely.
Chris Turner:
Sitting down as a staff, maybe even coming up with a plan for how the church will deal with that, whether it’s rotate ministers, or something to give people some guidelines, especially if a church as you say, is in a particular area that’s been harder hit, but maybe even to have some kind of guidelines for people ahead of time, so that they’re not having to make things up as they go along.
Bruce Chesser:
Well, even something as simple as providing a meal for a family at a funeral, most of our churches do that. I think a lot of churches, their connect groups, Sunday school class, whatever they call their small groups, they will do that for members of their group, and then people that are not in a small group, the church generally has some mechanism, some organization, some way that they provide a meal for a family that attends their church that is not a part of a connect group, but those are spread out through the whole year. So it’s no burden on any person, because it’s spread out among 12 months of the year and it’s spread out among all of your connect groups.
Bruce Chesser:
But now all of a sudden, all of these are going to be coming in a short order, in a pretty compact period of time. So you’re thinking about people that are cooking the food, and assign people were being called, on maybe multiple days over a period of time, and people want to do that kind of thing, they really do, and it’s a part of the ministry that our churches give to each other, but it is something that has to be done and it is something that has to be organized, and you’ve got to do some planning for that.
Chris Turner:
Yeah. And again, I think to begin that type of organizational preparation, there’s one of the things that Randy Davis, our state exec has put a lot of emphasis on the past couple of years, is pastoral mental health. And so, I think one of the things just that I’m thinking about as you’re talking about this is, is pastors need to begin to, if they don’t already have that network of other pastors or someone that they can talk to, to help them deal with some emotional burden and some of that type of aspect that’ll come with this, they really need to kind of get their personal support in place, so that when this does drain them, they have somebody that they can reach out to. Wouldn’t you say that would be something that pastors need to be careful with?
Bruce Chesser:
Absolutely. And the Tennessee Baptist Mission Board offers help with that. Most, not most, but many of our associations offer their pastors help for that. There are churches like ours that offer help for that. We’ve got a counseling ministry that would be happy to help any pastor that was dealing with those kinds of issues, and just needed a resource. There’s help available, but on a very basic level, just friends, talking to friends, and whether that comes through your associational pastors conference, or just having telephone conversations with a pastor here, and a pastor there.
Bruce Chesser:
I mean, I’ve got pastors that I call weekly, almost to a point where on a specific day of the week, I know a pastor that I’m going to be calling that day, because I call him every week on that day, and we just talk about life, and families, and ministry, and what’s going on, and what are you beating your head against right now, and what’s encouraging to you, and those are the kinds of conversations that we all need. If nothing else, it helps us all to realize that we’re not alone, we’re not the only one facing the frustration, and nobody really knows all the answers to this. We’re all trying to figure it out as we get through it.
Chris Turner:
Yeah, and I think that’s a big thing for pastors, because pastors want to serve well, period, regardless of whether there’s a COVID virus or anything like that. I mean, they call into ministry, and they have a passion for what they do, and their desire is to see people move forward in their faith. So, that’s just a given with pastors, and pastors want to do that ministry well, but the thing that the pastors really need to understand during this time, is exactly what you’re saying, that there is nobody who has it figured out, and it’s kind of like everybody is getting on the job training with it. So just those key basic elements of compassion for people, desire to minister, staying close to the Lord, asking the Lord for wisdom and grace, and praying for people. I mean, those really are the fundamental elements of how a pastor can best serve a family during this time.
Bruce Chesser:
Absolutely.
Chris Turner:
Well, you had also mentioned something else, going back to family members calling hospitals, and those types of things. It is a difficult time and families have gone through the process of losing someone very close to them, but a gentle word to people would be, have some grace during this time, because there are people on the other side, like ministers, and like funeral homes, and medical people, that are stretched thin. There is limited resources in a lot of ways, or those resources have been stretched, but it’s just important to have that… to exude grace, where one is also expecting some grace. And I don’t want to put those words in your mouth because I mean, just coming from a pastor, but I think it’s something you would advise people just to remember, is-
Bruce Chesser:
Absolutely. I think you said that very well. Everybody needs grace, and I think sometimes our members expect us to have answers for everything and always know the right thing to say, and sometimes we don’t, and we’re learning as we go, and we all do need to express grace to each other. And just dealing with the anxiety of it, the fear for some people, I think, I think there are several things we can do. One is keeping a sense of humor. I think joking really does have a therapeutic value to it to deal with stress, and this is not the end of the world, we’re going to come through this. I do think God may be trying to get the world’s attention, and it’s kind of like you can go to a play before the play starts, or maybe during the intermission, they flick the lights a little bit just to tell you that you need to get ready, it’s about to start, I think God may be flicking the lights a little bit and trying to get people’s attention.
Bruce Chesser:
But I would suggest to people that they keep a sense of humor, that they talk to people, sharing with people, letting them know how you feel, that’s very therapeutic. Certainly pray, pray, pray, pray. We ought to pray more than we’ve ever prayed. We ought to read the Bible, the Bible is so full of promises and helping us deal with anxiety, and then just, a very practical thing, and I think we pastors probably need to hear this as much as anybody else, get your mind on something else sometime. You spend all day making phone calls to your members, and dealing with these issues, and preparing, everybody now is preaching their messages, and doing their Wednesday night Bible studies differently, and for a lot of guys, that’s stressful because they’re not used to looking into a camera, and it’s just, it’s different. So find some way to get your mind on something else and to have some downtime, whether that’s taking a walk, or putting a puzzle together, or walking the dog, or watching a movie. Whatever it is, we all just need to stay emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy.
Chris Turner:
Yeah, I think that’s one of the key elements of this, is I saw somebody that said, “The two best things you can do regarding the whole COVID thing is the first thing is, turn off the news, and then the second thing is go for a walk.” So, and just get the separation because you can kind of get fixated on that. I’ve lost six pounds just because of how much I walk. I’m dispersed here at the Tennessee Baptist Mission Board, as everybody else is, and I’ve got my computer set up on my work bench in my garage. So, it’s not ideal, it is what it is. As many wise people have already said, it’s a season, God willing, the season will pass sooner than later. That’s what we’re praying for. But during the season, what is it that God’s trying to tell us? And I think the best way to do that is to just turn the noise off, and listen to what the Holy Spirit’s trying to say, so.
Chris Turner:
Well, Dr. Chesser, I really appreciate you taking some time with this. This is obviously unchartered waters for pastors and the rest of us as we navigate this journey through life, and for the believer, it is a journey. We are sojourners, this is not our home, it’s not our destination, and pastors are doing the best they can to help family members with that loved one that has made that transition on to that eternal reward. So, appreciate your time with this, and we may check in down the road just to see kind of some other tips, if you have come up with any, throughout the next coming weeks.
Bruce Chesser:
Good to talk to you, Chris. God bless you.
Narrator:
Thank you for listening to Radio B&R, a podcast production of the Baptist & Reflector, the official news journal of the Tennessee Baptist Mission Board. This and other episodes can be downloaded at baptistandreflector.org/radiobr. The Ministries of the Tennessee Baptist Mission Board are supported through the cooperative program, and gifts received through the Golden Offering for Tennessee Missions. For more information, visit tnbaptist.org.
