Why do I feel guilty every time I rest?

Editor’s note: Below is the latest installment of “The Leader Board” — a featured series in the B&R aimed at helping pastors and church leaders get answers to hard questions.

Dear Leader Board,

I know rest is biblical. I’ve preached about Sabbath. I’ve encouraged exhausted people to slow down. I can explain why rest matters with three points, a memorable illustration, and possibly an alliterated outline. I’m just not very good at taking my own advice.

When I finally get a quiet afternoon, I feel like I should be doing something. There’s always a sermon to prepare, someone to call, or a problem waiting for attention. Even when I take time off, part of me keeps checking my phone and wondering what I’m neglecting.

 Thanks,

Off, But Still Working

Dear Off, But Still Working,

You already know rest is important. Your problem isn’t theological. It’s psychological.

Somewhere along the way, usefulness became evidence of faithfulness. A full calendar meant you were needed. Being needed meant you were making a difference. And making a difference meant you were doing ministry well.

That equation works beautifully, right up until you try to sit still. Then the guilt arrives. Someone needs something. I should be getting ahead. Other pastors are probably working. No one knows who these other pastors are, but apparently, they never take Mondays off and have already finished next Sunday’s sermon.

Here’s what’s happening beneath the surface. Pastors rarely struggle to rest because they lack time. They struggle because ministry trains them to measure value through usefulness. Every call answered produces gratitude. Every problem solved creates relief. Every need met confirms that your presence matters.

Rest offers none of that feedback. No one applauds the nap. The church newsletter rarely reports that the pastor spent Tuesday afternoon staring at a lake and accomplishing absolutely nothing. So rest begins to feel unproductive. And for leaders whose identity has become tangled with productivity, being unproductive feels suspiciously close to being unfaithful. But exhaustion is not evidence of devotion.

Here’s the reframe. Rest is not a reward for finishing the work. It is a discipline for work that will never be finished. If you wait until everyone is cared for, every problem is solved, and next month’s sermons are written, congratulations, you have accidentally created eternal life without the enjoyable parts.

Pastoral ministry will consume every hour you offer it and politely ask whether tomorrow is available, too. That means limits must be chosen before they feel convenient.

Turn off the phone. Leave something unfinished. Let another leader solve a problem. Spend time with people who don’t need you to be their pastor. And pay attention to the discomfort.

If stillness makes you feel worthless, the issue may not be your schedule. It may be the identity your schedule has been protecting. You are more than what you produce, solve, preach, or carry.

Rest doesn’t make you less faithful. It reminds you that God keeps working when you don’t.

— Josh Franks

TBMB Ministry Specialist